My Higher Power is John Stamos
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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