Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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