I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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