I'm so fucking centered right now
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
