That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
