I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
