Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I know her cup size but not her name....
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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