Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
