My liver just broke up with me...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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