Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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