id be glad to
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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