cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize