Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I think a kid would responsible me up
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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