Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
