shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
