meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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