So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
