I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
