It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
