Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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