Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
