yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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