So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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