Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
