Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
