my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
