do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
