My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
