And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
