I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
