Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i barfeds in our rink
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
