Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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