Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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