On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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