i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Randomize
