Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
