Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
