Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
