If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Are we still banned from the library?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
