He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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