Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
