i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
