My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
