So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize