Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
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