we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
