A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize