I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
