I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
