he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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