it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
