Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
zippers are such a cool invention
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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