Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
