Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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