Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
