I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Drunk is not a location!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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