she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
