I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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