That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
