Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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