If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I cut my penus on the lid.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize