I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
