He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
