How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
