Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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