Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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