Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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