end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
