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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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