He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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