listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
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