I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Randomize
