I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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