Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
