You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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