If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you didnt know i had herpes?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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