i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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