Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
sarcasm needs its own font
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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