Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
