Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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