Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
