why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
