Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Randomize
