sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
