dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
