im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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