last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
