White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
