do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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