he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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