then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize