trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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