Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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