I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
