Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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