I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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