I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
