He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
