u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
this hospital has no fireball
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
