she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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