I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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