There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
