His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
