I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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