Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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