Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize