At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
