Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
