I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize