So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She said her name was "party"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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